


Technophobia

by lucymonster



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2840963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucymonster/pseuds/lucymonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is expecting a bit of awkwardness when Steve announces that the Winter Soldier will be moving into Avengers Tower.</p>
<p>The security issues <i>should</i> go without saying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Technophobia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Potrix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potrix/gifts).
  * Translation into Русский available: [Технофобия](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3249074) by [BlueSunrise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueSunrise/pseuds/BlueSunrise), [WTF_Starbucks_Team](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WTF_Starbucks_Team/pseuds/WTF_Starbucks_Team)



> Re. the background Tony/Pepper tag: their relationship doesn't really get much screentime, but I am taking it as given that they are an established, happily open couple. 
> 
> A million thanks to ladylapislazuli for the ongoing moral support and scarily last-minute beta!

Tony is expecting a bit of awkwardness when Steve announces that the Winter Soldier will be moving with him into his suite in the Avengers Tower. Even ignoring the whole patricide incident - which Tony is willing to do, out of the goodness of his heart and his general desperation to get those suites occupied - he’s not expecting to find all that much in common with the quiet, intractably ill-groomed Soviet assassin currently eyeing him from the threshold in much the same way a cornered rat eyes its would-be handler’s fingers.

There are a lot of teeth in that gaze. It is unsettling, and weirdly attractive.

“It’s good to see you, Cap,” says Tony, as the new arrival makes absolutely no secret of scanning the lobby for any immediate mortal threats. “And you, of course...what are you calling yourself now, by the way? Jimmy? J.B.? Soldat?”

Barnes just shrugs. Behind him, Steve is glaring daggers at Tony.

So, it looks like ‘awkward’ was a good call. That’s okay. Tony is good with awkward. “Have it your way, Atlas. Come on, I’ll show you through to your rooms. Fully furnished, great city views, walking distance from local shops and public transport...worth every penny, you mark my word.”

Barnes looks stricken. He turns his startled-deer eyes on Steve and says, “I don’t have any money.”

“Every penny _I_ paid for it,” says Tony loudly, and adds ‘jokes’ to his running mental list of things he might have to cut back on while their resident walking meltdown gets settled into his new home. Right next to ‘live ammunition’ and ‘Pepper’s cooking’. “Because I own the building, in case Steve didn’t mention that. And trust me, with the tax rates I’m paying, the last thing I need is another income stream. My accountant’s gonna cry if I start taking rent from you.”

The look Barnes gives him could be described as distrustful, but only if you were being very polite about it.

Steve hangs back a bit as Bucky stalks on down the hallway with the sure-footed confidence of a man who has memorised the entire tower layout from its blueprints. “Tony,” he says, and his voice is low and a little bit pleading. “I know it’s strange, but he really is trying. _Please_ play nice.”

“I’m wounded, Cap,” says Tony. “I’m _always_ nice. Your boy’s gonna love it here, trust me.”

And that’s about as much thought as he gives it.

  

 

The nice thing about having Barnes as a housemate is that he never gets in anyone’s way. He’s far too busy with his own hobbies, which are many and varied: he likes lurking around in his suite, and lurking around in the living room, and lurking around on the roof. He goes to the gym a lot, and burns through enough coffee to keep half of New York up til 3am, and utters anywhere between zero and fifty words a day.

The less nice thing about having Barnes as a housemate is that when he _does_ decide to get in your way, there’s pretty much nothing you can do about it. The man is like a ghost. He can walk through walls.

“Your coffee machine is broken,” he announces one morning, blowing a full ten percent of his day’s speech ration and nearly startling Tony out of his skin. Later, Tony and JARVIS will be having words about appropriate restrictions on Barnes’ building access.

“Your manners are broken,” says Tony, and puts down his soldering iron before he can ruin anything else with it. “This is a private workshop, no visitors allowed. Well, except for Pepper. And Banner. And Coulson, because no force on earth is strong enough to keep him out. You, however, are not on the whitelist.”

Barnes just shrugs. He does that a lot. It makes his bionic shoulder whir in a way that Tony is just _itching_ to investigate. “Can you get it fixed?”

Another ten percent gone. Barnes is really on a bender today.

“Sure, probably,” says Tony, and turns back to his soldering. There’s a huge molten streak across the circuit board he’s been working on. It’s a cheap component, easily replaceable, but it does bump Barnes’ coffee problem a long way down his priority list. Largely due to the sheer annoyance factor. “Later, though. I’m working now. Shoo.”

Barnes does not shoo. “What’s that?” He looks curious, which is a nice change from his standard half-bored, half-murderous expression, but not nice enough to soften Tony’s irritation.

“If I tell you, will you go away?” Barnes says nothing, just blinks expectantly. “It’s an upgrade for the tower’s biometric security scanners. I’m integrating new optomechanical sensors that can pick up all the standard metrics from a distance, meaning JARVIS can run highly accurate scans from anywhere within the tower. It also,” says Tony pointedly, “allows me to restrict access to private areas based solely on pulse and heat signature readings. Ward off unwelcome visitors, and so on.”

It’s not exactly a subtle hint, but Barnes manages to miss it anyway. “That’s kinda creepy,” he says, which takes Tony completely by surprise - it has never crossed his mind before that Barnes might have _opinions_.

“Look who’s talking. Anyway, I’ve told you what I’m doing. Now it’s your turn to leave me alone.” Tony turns his back firmly, and pulls his soldering mask down over his face.

He never actually hears Barnes leave, but the hairs on the back of his neck stop prickling after a while. Admittedly, missing his exit is kind of a shame. The guy might be a terrifying cyborg assassin, but his ass is nothing to sneeze at.

  

 

Twenty-four hours later, Tony installs the first of the new scanners in the common room upstairs.

Twenty-four hours and five minutes later, the first of the new scanners in the common room upstairs reports an unknown glitch.

Tony shuts his workshop door, and keeps on tinkering.

 

 

The new system goes in, and Pepper goes out - just for a few days, for a business conference in Chicago that apparently cannot be missed.

“Don’t burn down the building while I’m gone,” she says, and pecks Tony affectionately on the lips.

“I hope you’re telling that to everyone,” says Tony. “On a list of inhabitants likely to burn down the building, I rank impressively low. Like, number two. Maybe even three.”

Pepper just rolls her eyes. “He’ll be fine,” she says, although Tony is sure it can’t be a good sign that they both know exactly who he’s thinking of. No single name should come to mind that easily in conjunction with acts of catastrophic destruction.

The thing is, though, he really is fine. Cap is in and out of the tower on various missions, and Bruce is holed up in his lab like usual, and no one else has caved in to Tony’s pestering and moved in yet, so half the time it’s just him and Barnes alone in the tower, which is a lot less sexy than it sounds. Barnes mostly stays out of the way, emerging from the aether only to snag the occasional sandwich or get the Imperial March stuck in Tony’s head. Tony doesn’t dwell on this minor disappointment. It just means that he gets plenty of uninterrupted time in his workshop, and the new security seems to be doing its job at screening out any uninvited callers. He gets started on a new automated targeting system for one of his suits, and doesn’t worry about what the ghoul in the attic is up to.

This is a mistake.

“Jesus Christ,” Tony yelps, steadying himself against the rim of the vanity. “This is my _private bathroom_.”

Barnes frowns. He hasn’t stepped over the threshold - he’s just leaning there against the doorjamb, like a particularly sullen vampire waiting to be invited in. “You’re just washing your hands,” he says.

“Yeah, not the point. You can’t be in here. Literally, you can’t be. I have an entire state-of-the-art security system in place specifically to prevent people getting in unauthorised.” An awful thought occurs to Tony. “You don’t turn into a bat or something, do you?”

“What?”

“I was just thinking, maybe if you’d flown in through the window...look, never mind.” Tony waves an impatient hand; Barnes continues to frown at him. “You’re in my bathroom. I assume you bypassed my security for a reason.”

Finally, the truculent scowl lifts from Barnes’ face. He replaces it with a slightly less truculent scowl. “You said you’d fix the coffee machine.”

Right, of course. Dracula only ever leaves his coffin when he’s looking for his liquid fix. “Yeah, I haven’t gotten around to it yet,” says Tony, “on account of all the _security problems_ I’ve been having. It’s the weirdest thing. You wouldn’t believe the riff-raff that have been getting in past my safeguards.”

Barnes holds his gaze steadily. He’s good at that when he wants to be. Eerily good. Apparently he’s on a blinking ration now, too. “Safeguards,” he echoes, and underneath the deadpan he sounds...god, is that mockery Tony is hearing? Then he shakes his head. “Coffee machine,” he says, like he thinks saying it enough will make it come true.

And the kicker is, by this point Tony isn’t even _annoyed_ any more. Maybe the confusion is doing things to his brain, or maybe it’s just his curiosity getting the better of him. “Alright,” he says cautiously, “if you show me how you’re getting past security, I’ll fix your goddamn coffee machine. Deal?”

“Deal,” says Barnes, and bares his fangs in what is probably intended to pass as a smile. Tony can’t quite decide if it’s hot or really damn creepy. Maybe a bit of both. “Which way do you want to see first?”

“ _Which_?” splutters Tony.

  

 

After the first half hour in the workshop together, Tony decides to just fix the damn coffee machine. Judging by the rapt enthusiasm Barnes brings to the task of dismantling tower security, they’re both going to need the caffeine before long.

“Alright then,” he says, advancing on the machine with his screwdriver. He’ll be honest, he’s kind of curious to find out what hideous malfunction could have outsmarted a man who sees a world-class multi-function security system as a mildly engaging obstacle course. He pulls away the outer casing, squints inside, and -

“Oh my god.”

“What?” Barnes is craning over his shoulder, looking into the machine with wide, anxious eyes. “Is something wrong?”

“Actually, no,” says Tony. His own voice is distant in his ears, his mind awash with the strange, ringing calm that precedes the onset of total hysteria. “I, uh. I guess it didn’t occur to you to just clean out the filter.”

Barnes’ whole face lights up. “The filter?” He’s staring at Tony like he’s the second coming of Merlin. “That’ll fix it?”

Tony looks right back into those bright, hopeful eyes, and wonders how this is his life.

  

 

They’re still in the workshop when Pepper gets back, all dark-ringed eyes and three-day stubble as they pore over what looks like a schematic of the entire Avengers Tower. Their heads are almost touching.

She smiles, and leaves them to it.

**Author's Note:**

> All innovations in biometric scanning technology brought to you by my very brief skim-read of the Wikipedia page.
> 
> I also [tumbl](http://lucymonster.tumblr.com)!


End file.
